Uncovered: Life Beyond
Join the conversations of Rebecca and Naomi, two ex-Amish Mennonite women who jumped the proverbial fence in their younger years and later experienced college as first-gen, non-traditional students. They discuss pursuing formal education while raising a family, navigating the hidden curriculum of academia, and other dimensions of reimagining a life beyond high-demand religion. Send your questions to uncoveredlifebeyond@gmail.com.
Uncovered: Life Beyond
35. 15 Summer Hacks to Rock the School Year Before it Starts
What if the best way to get ready for fall is to rest this summer? In this episode we challenge common expectations about productivity and laziness, making the case that rest is not a luxury but is foundational for being the happy, relaxed parent our children need.
We're sharing 15 ways we're making the most of summer's remaining weeks. Instead of working harder, we're trying to work softer, to focus on what really matters, and soak up some low-brow fiction and TV. We discuss practical ways to prepare for the onslaught of school forms and artwork that will soon be pouring in and share our best tips for making housework and meal prep easier come fall. Stay to the end to find out what Rebecca means when she recommends ordering pizza on your time too. Please join us!
Resources
Excerpt from Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey
Mom Stays in the Picture by Allison Tate
The Durrells in Corfu | Prime Video
Last Tango in Halifax | Netflix
Decluttering at the Speed of Life by Dana K. White
The Best Paper Clutter Solution I've Ever Tried! - Dana K. White
How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis or listen to an interview with the author
The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi
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This is Rebecca and this is Naomi. We're 40-something moms and first cousins who know what it's like to veer off the path assigned to us.
Speaker 2:We've juggled motherhood, marriage, college and career, as we've questioned our faith traditions while exploring new identities and ways of seeing the world.
Speaker 1:Without any maps for either of us to follow. We've had to figure things out as we go and appreciate that detours and dead ends are essential to the path Along the way, we've uncovered a few insights we want to share with fellow travelers.
Speaker 2:We want to talk about the questions we didn't know who to ask and the options we didn't know we had.
Speaker 1:So, whether you're feeling stuck or already shaking things up, we are here to cheer you on and assure you that the best is yet to come. Welcome to Uncovered Life Beyond. Hello everyone, welcome back to Uncovered Life Beyond. This is Naomi and this is Rebecca.
Speaker 2:So summer is about what three quarters of the way going it's slipping away.
Speaker 1:It's fast, it's crazy Slipping through our fingers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what have you been up to? It's fast, it's crazy Slipping through our fingers, yeah.
Speaker 1:So what have you been up to? Well, my children were here for a couple of weeks, but now they're back at their dad's house and Dave and I are getting ready to go to the Pacific Northwest. We're going to go see Olympic National Park next week. That sounds amazing. Yeah, I'm really excited. We were watching some travel videos last night on YouTube and that was really getting us excited.
Speaker 2:I bet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is such a huge place. Yeah, we're really looking forward to it.
Speaker 2:What about you? What about me? So I feel like this week has been, for some reason. The doctor's visits almost every day, someone has an appointment and yeah. So I feel kind of consumed by that. And between that and work and keeping everyone fed, that's about the extent of my energy.
Speaker 1:Oh, I hear you. It seems that doctor's visits are one of those things that can. That might only be supposed to last 15 minutes, but until you factor in getting everything in order to go, then the drive time coming back, like the disruption of the appointment, is about all the things that are happening around it, more even than the appointment itself. Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 2:Well, there's that, and then there's like so one of the kids got a vaccination for something and supposed to go back in a month for the next one, and the next kid needs to, you know. So we have to schedule that appointment and you know medications to pick up and you know, just all the things. But you're right, it snowballs into more than just a 15 minute doctor's appointment.
Speaker 1:Right, and the older your kids are, I'm sure, the more complicated scheduling yeah absolutely, yeah it does it does?
Speaker 2:I can see that. So what are we going to talk about today?
Speaker 1:Well, the last few days, I've been thinking about how the fall semester is going to be here before we know it, and I'm remembering that I given myself some to do items at the end of the spring semester, and I'm remembering that the time is flying by. The summer is flying by, and as I was thinking of those, I was also thinking about things that can be done during the summer to maybe make the school year a little more sane when it arrives, and I thought that might be something that our listeners might want to join in on the conversation too. I think the important note, though, is that this is not about adding more to our to-do lists. This is more about a list of ideas that we might want to include in our summers, ideas that might make the summer better too.
Speaker 2:I love it and I'm here for it. You know, sometimes I think our to-do lists are real and the idea of adding something new to it is overwhelming. But maybe this is just more about some new ideas or even just a voice in the chaos to kind of help bring some relief to the listing, some relief to the exhaustion, and I think it's a really real point that laziness is not a thing. Exhaustion, overwhelm, that's a thing, that's a real thing, but laziness isn't a thing. There's usually something happening that makes you feel unmotivated. That makes you feel unmotivated and the truth of it is you can't do it all, I can't do it all, no one can, and I think what society has been placing on our shoulders might be a little bit too much. And so I think we're all allowed to take a deep breath and breathe in and breathe out and just allow some of it to go. We don't have to do it all.
Speaker 1:Agreed, agreed. So the first item on our list is rest.
Speaker 2:I am here for rest. I love, love, love to sleep.
Speaker 1:I do too. Tricia Hersey wrote a book recently called Rest is Resistance, and I'll link it. I love to sleep. And a reclaiming of power because it asserts our most basic humanity. We are enough, and when we are in such a productivity-driven culture, it's easy to think of rest as sleep time, as a luxury or it's an unproductive time, a time we're wasting. But the reality is that we aren't machines and the human brain, the human body, needs that time to repair, needs that time to do important processing, so emotional processing, memory processing, like there's just so many important things that are happening while we're sleeping, and it's not something we need to earn.
Speaker 2:Rest. Sleep is putting gas in our tank. It's not a reward. A few years ago the kids were young I was working as hard as I could to keep everything organized. I had a small home-based business and I literally was just going from sunrise to late at night and I was talking to this young Amish girl and at some point she's like my mom. She takes an hour off every day and she does whatever she wants to do and often she takes a nap. Her mom is the most hot shawty woman you will ever find, and I paused and I remember looking at her and being like, really.
Speaker 2:But then, if you think about it, most people that have any type of job where they're collecting money, they get a break but yet somehow stay at home. Moms typically don't get that or have to fight for it, or have to fight for it. Yeah, so since then it was like something just shifted in my brain and I will often give myself a 20-minute nap. I'll just set my alarm and I'll sleep for 20 minutes if I want to myself a 20-minute nap, I'll just set my alarm and I'll sleep for 20 minutes if I want to, or I will strategically take a space of time where I just do whatever I want to do for half an hour and it has so shifted something in my brain.
Speaker 2:The other thing that I think is so important is listen to your body and kind of pay attention to the times that you're most productive and then tap into that timeframe and make the most of that. Like after like nine o'clock I mean, let's be serious Even after eight o'clock my brain is just done. In the evening I'm done. But I know there's other people that that's when they become the most productive and I don't know why people want to get things done at 10 o'clock at night. But man, if that's you rock it on. But I think, we think that there has to be these. What is the phrase? The early bird gets the worm.
Speaker 2:Well maybe not, maybe not. And instead of trying to buy into what we think is the right thing to do, I think we would be better served to simply pay attention to our body and attempt to kind of plan our schedules around that Right, right.
Speaker 1:You know the twist on that saying the early bird gets the worm, the early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.
Speaker 2:I love it. I love it, but truly, at our house we have this thing that no important decisions may be made after 8pm no important decisions get to be made. You don't even get to worry about it, you just go to bed and tomorrow morning we'll take care of it.
Speaker 1:That sounds really smart to me and to your point about feeling like we are obligated to get up early, that kind of thing. I think it's interesting when we hear productivity gurus talk about that and they'll say most people are productive in the morning, so get up in the morning. It's like, yeah, what if you're not one of those people though.
Speaker 1:Right. And so it's like, even if 80% or 90% or whatever the percentage is right, do their best work in the morning. If you happen to not be in that percentage, then you got to do what you got to do. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. The next one on our list is get active, get outside and offline, and I think there's so many things you can do here. Like I get into my head and think I have to go on, you know, at least a 20 minute walk every day, and recently I had the thought what if I just get out and walk for three minutes? What if I just step?
Speaker 2:outside and let my feet touch the grass and I think again what if I just step outside and let my feet touch the grass? And I think again, we have these ideas that this is what it needs to look like? And what if it's just as simple as touching the earth and getting outside, like outside, outside?
Speaker 1:Right. I think it's easy to get in the headspace of three minutes isn't long enough to be worth it. It's easy to get in the headspace of three minutes isn't long enough to be worth it, right. But often if we wait until we have 20 minutes or 30 minutes, we'll never get out there, right. And often you know when we do, then suddenly you know we get, we find motivation to do more. But even if we don't, those three minutes are still going to benefit us. Even if we don't, those three minutes are still going to benefit us.
Speaker 2:Agreed, and I really think we underestimate how much three minutes can benefit you.
Speaker 1:And I think getting outside can also just give us perspective. You know, when our world is getting too small and we're feeling a lot of anxiety or depression or whatever about a situation, getting outside and seeing the trees and the grass and the sky and all that, it can make such a difference. Did I see that you were kayaking here recently?
Speaker 2:We were. Oddly enough, it's something our family really enjoys doing, and that was bringing me to another point. Like I think it's kind of it's so important to figure out what do you actually enjoy. Like I don't necessarily like swimming, but I like kayaking. I like to think that I could go jog but I can't. But you know what? I can go walk and what is it that you enjoy doing, and tap again into that it doesn't have to be something you dislike doing.
Speaker 2:That you have to do just simply because you have to do it. It can actually be something enjoyable.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I think that's so important. So the next item on our list is try something new or creative and, as part of that, embrace the awkward which things that are new usually are. This summer, I'm getting back into sewing. It's been quite a while since I've touched a sewing machine and so a few weeks ago I was working on some things I may have even talked about on the podcast, but it felt new because it's been so long since.
Speaker 1:I got my machine out and of course, the dress I made didn't quite turn out the way it looked in my mind. But you know what? I've kind of given myself permission that, even if it doesn't turn out great, I needed that creative process, I needed to make something, and so, whether that's writing something or tending plants, doing something for the experience of doing it rather than for the outcome can be so valuable.
Speaker 2:I'm so proud of you for sewing and last year you were doing macrame Like you do really an amazing job, I think, at trying new things like this and I think you're pretty good at it.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks that, or I have a short attention span. Well, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course I'm proud to be a recipient of your skills See it works.
Speaker 1:It's fun, it's fun, and I guess the plants houseplants is something that I came out of the pandemic with as a new hobby too. Well, you're writing this summer, aren't you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I am trying really hard to make space for writing. What I forget about writing is you almost need space to write, but then you need a nap afterwards. It's exhausting.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's work, it is.
Speaker 2:And so I'm kind of realizing that part of it. I have to give myself that 20 minute nap. It's exhausting, yeah yeah, just it's exhausting, yeah yeah. So next on our list is throw a party for your inner child, and I mean this can be anything from riding a bike to sitting on a swing.
Speaker 1:Have ice cream for breakfast.
Speaker 2:Have some wine for breakfast, whatever it is you need to do Like we don't have to take life so seriously. Is this kind of something that might be more difficult for those of us who come from a conservative and a Baptist background?
Speaker 1:I think so, or someone who had a lot of responsibility as a young person or as a child, and maybe their playtime was cut short because of those responsibilities.
Speaker 2:Interesting. I work with a friend right now who is amazing at throwing parties. Like the minute she hears someone's birthday is coming up, oh we got to have a party, and she like throws a party. And I'm always looking at her with like wow, and my brain just doesn't think that way and I'm trying to learn to think that way.
Speaker 1:But you do, you host things all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but not a party. Okay, I mean, oh, if I'd have to put up streamers, are you kidding me? Oh, if I'd have to put up streamers, are you kidding me? Like, are you kidding me? Okay, does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely, and I oftentimes don't, even when I host, I don't think of it as a party, right, I think of it as what do I think of it? As Building community or something.
Speaker 1:Making a big meal.
Speaker 2:You owe that too. Yeah, but some serious bulls**t instead of just being like hey, let's have a party. That is an absolute contradiction to the way I typically think about things and I'm trying.
Speaker 1:I'm learning, but it's something I have to intentionally change the way I look at it or think about it. Okay, okay, are you saying that it's a mental shift from seeing an event or hosting as a celebration as opposed to some kind of labor of love? But still, a task?
Speaker 2:I think so. So do you remember the whole idea that junk in, junk out, so you could only-.
Speaker 1:Oh, garbage in, garbage out. Yes, yes, that's it.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you could only read spiritual books or Christian books. You could only listen to Christian music because otherwise trash would come out.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you become contaminated by the world.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. Anything I did and this is uptight Like I'm almost horrified that I took it this seriously, but that any of my actions I had to perceive as edifying.
Speaker 1:You couldn't do it for enjoyment. It had to have some kind of deep spiritual meaning. Yeah, right, and it's sad to me that for any reason.
Speaker 2:It's sad to me that for any reason we would see doing something for the sheer enjoyment of it or for just the fun of it would be considered garbage out. Yeah, what kind of logic does it take to assume that everything I do is, by some logic, going to be edifying or nurturing or godly Like this?
Speaker 1:is who it's about social control, isn't it? People who are control, isn't it? People who are concerned about doing things right are much easier to control.
Speaker 2:Well, and then they get to tell us too what is godly.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, absolutely. So we hone into those practices, yeah, and listening to what's fun for you, listening to what you're actually interested in, is a bad thing, right? So unfortunate.
Speaker 2:That was a bunny trail.
Speaker 1:Well, but I think that's really getting at the spirit behind this, because I mean thinking about what kinds of things you would have enjoyed as a kid that maybe you didn't get to do, and maybe it's just because there was an opportunity. It doesn't necessarily mean that there was anything nefarious going on. But I'll just mention a moment with my daughter. She was getting ready to go on a picnic with some friends. It was a picnic she had planned and as she was getting ready for it, I was asking her about what she needed and suggesting we go to the store to get the things she needed. And then I was trying not to take it over, but I was trying to make sure she had the resources she needed to do the picnic and for it to be a fun you know summer picnic in the park with friends. And at one point she said Mom, are you living vicariously through me? Are you living vicariously through me? I felt so attacked, but to a degree yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, because I think sometimes if there are those things that didn't happen when we were kids, that we wish had, and we are now seeing our children get to do those things, we can start to feel resentment that they get something that we didn't. Or I think we can also see it as kind of making up for lost time or getting to do those things and enjoying it along with them.
Speaker 2:It could be redemptive. Yes, yes, Like to see your kids doing things that would have never ever been within the realm of yes. Yes, Thank you.
Speaker 1:So the fifth thing on our list is catch up with an old friend or pursue new friendships. And what I'm thinking about here is how things can get really busy during the year, especially if we're doing multiple things like parenting and work and school, and and and, and I know for myself one of the unfortunate sacrifices has been spending time with friends in my life, just because it feels like, well, that's, you know, nobody is going to go hungry or not get to school on time if I don't spend time with friends. But then when I do spend time with friends and I feel how nurturing that is, how affirming that is, then I'm just reminded like, oh yeah, it's worth it, it is so worth it to have that time together when we have meaningful friendships with others. It also takes the pressure off of the relationships in our immediate family too, because we're getting some of those needs met somewhere else. We're not looking them to meet all our needs, all our social needs.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so true. That's so true. And I often think about how much my life has changed because I have a couple of people who decided they love me and they want to spend time with me. And I'm like always so humbled at that. I'm like it is so refreshing and you're right, it like fills a void that I think really does need to be filled and it's so important.
Speaker 1:Right, and I want to also acknowledge how hard it can be to schedule things like this like especially in the summertime, when people are traveling and schedules are all over the place finding time when I, a couple of friends and I have been getting together.
Speaker 1:We got together and we're watching White Lotus, but now we finished that, so now we're deciding what we're going to do next. But I can't believe how hard it has been for us to find a time when all three of us are in town and available and none of us have really small children. When we get together, it's not a big deal, it's just the show and popcorn, and sometimes we don't even get to the show because we have too much talking to do. But I just want to acknowledge how difficult it can be and I really don't want to include this as one more item to feel bad about if you're not getting around to it. But if this is something that you want to do, I want to assure anyone who's listening that this is essential. This is necessary. This is not a luxury. You're not being selfish, or, if you are, it's a need and you have needs just like everybody else does.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad you pointed that out because I think it is so true and it is absolutely valid and I think it's something that when we get busy, it's easy to neglect and think it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1:Right, right. But then when we start feeling resentful and it has when that needs not met, it has ways of coming out sideways, right, right.
Speaker 2:All right. So number six on our list is take a picture with you and your children, and particularly if they're getting older and less photogenic than they used to be, and maybe not less photogenic so much as unwilling less photogenic so much as unwilling.
Speaker 1:I've noticed that the number of pictures I'm taking of my children has dropped dramatically as they've moved on from pre-K and even elementary age and as they get into middle school. Yeah Well, they're not holding still long enough, and recently I was looking for a picture of, and recently I was looking for a picture of me with my. I was looking for a recent picture of me with my two children, and we had some snapshots, but nothing was really good, and maybe there was a good picture of me with just with one or the other, and I think a lot of us or at least I am not good about getting professional pictures taken. You are, though. You get them done every year, and that's amazing. That's so good.
Speaker 2:So three things circling in my head. First of all, when my kids were young someone a decent amount older than I was, and I'll never forget the tone in her voice. It was laced with sadness and I don't know. In some ways it haunted me. But she said one day that's all you're going to have left. And I realized at some point that I pay pennies to put stuff on my wall. Like I do not like to spend money to put things on my wall, except for family pictures. I'll pay money for that. So I don't know, somehow that has become a thing for me and, to be fair, that's something that has been important to Matt too. I can imagine, if your partner wasn't on board with that or supportive, that it would be more difficult because it does take money, and I hear women who have to really work hard to get their partner to go to take pictures for whatever reason, and I can imagine that would be really difficult.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you have to corral everybody into it and if you're getting pictures taken for the holidays, you know you have to think months in advance Right To get things scheduled, to get everything set up, and I think it's one of those things that's just so easy to let it slide because, well, nobody's going hungry if you skip the picture. But yes, I guess I want to remind myself more than anything to take pictures of my children, because they will never be younger than they are the age they are now, and I want to be intentional about it and not just limit it to the random snapshots here and there, which snapshots are great, right, but also really well done, ones that can become keepsakes, right.
Speaker 2:Well, and to be fair, I think it's really difficult for moms to find themselves in snapshots. Oh yes, and I've become more quick to ask someone to take a picture for me, but the other thing that I've been really trying to observe is oftentimes, if you're in public, you will see a mom taking a picture of everybody and she's not included.
Speaker 2:If you're in public, you will see a mom taking a picture of everybody and she's not included. And I try really quickly to say oh here, let me take your picture, because you know what moms, you guys need to be in the picture too.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, wasn't there an article?
Speaker 2:that was making the rounds about this a couple of years ago. Probably it needed to. It needs to make the rounds again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was making the point don't, don't wait until you've lost weight, don't wait till you got in shape, don't wait till the time is right. Just take, get in the picture as you are and, yes, ask someone else ask. It's unfortunate that someone else is not taking the initiative, but but if they aren't, we need to take the initiative.
Speaker 2:For whatever reason, oftentimes the men in our lives don't feel quite as motivated or concerned about having pictures. Responsible, Responsible, and until that changes, I don't know women. I think we have to be each other's friend in this and, even if you don't know them, offer to take their picture, because I've had to look hard to find myself in pictures already. I think it can be kind of like feeling it's something that's not really important and something else we're willing to give up, but I think over time it can build resentment and I think maybe we need to remember that we're worth being included in the pictures too and by all means step in and ensure that the mom, even if you don't know her, is included in the pictures. The other thing that I think is really important is ask your kids before you post them on social media.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, agreed To your point about mom being in the picture. We're struggling to find words to put around this. I think one thing we can do is think about our own mothers and think about how we feel about pictures of them throughout different times in life. When I think about, also about my own children 30, 40 years from now, they're not going to care about my extra chins and or my, you know, my extra rolls or whatever it is, or my hair, right, they will want pictures of the me they remember and I think we are giving them a gift for them to enjoy down the road when we make sure we're in those pictures. So I agree with you we deserve to be in the pictures as much as anyone. But if, if we're having a hard time kind of getting our brains around that, I think realizing that we're also giving a gift to others might kind of help us, would help us make that shift with more confidence. Right, agreed, agreed.
Speaker 1:So the next item on our list is to read or watch. A fluffy entertaining. You can put trashy in there if you want book or show, just something like, especially if you're spending a lot of the school year other times of the year doing heavy brain work, doing heavy thinking work, really taking that time to do something for the pure enjoyment of it. I have some books that I listen to that are embarrassing. To admit that I listen to them, not because they're risque, even, or anything. They're just so silly but I just get such a kick out of it. They're like over the top silly that, yeah, that they're. I think part of that rest, it's part of giving our brains a break.
Speaker 2:So you're actually promoting for real garbage in.
Speaker 1:Yes, garbage in that's it, garbage in that's it.
Speaker 2:You know, kids listen. We have nursery rhymes for kids for a reason, and I would argue that adults need nursery rhymes as well.
Speaker 1:Say more about that. I agree with you, I think, but it feels like there's more to be said about that. What is it that nursery rhymes are doing for children and that fluffy entertainment?
Speaker 2:can do for adults. So this is Rebecca logic. Okay, I don't know. I don't know if this is actual truth, but nursery rhymes are fun. Typically they rhyme, they're a little silly, they're kind of creative. You imagine what might be happening, I think for some of us. I was not introduced to nursery rhymes as a child and I joke that instead of nursery rhymes we got the martyr's mirror. We got the martyr's mirror and I joke, but it's kind of the truth, it is the truth and I think it hinders something very important to be developed in a child's brain and I've intentionally introduced myself to nursery rhymes, but also I've intentionally introduced myself to books, even magazines, that are absolutely pointless for that reason I.
Speaker 2:It creates a curiosity and kind of allows you to be like would that be something I would like? Yes or no Doesn't really matter. Yeah, but it opens the world to you.
Speaker 1:Right, and it opens an opportunity for us to learn about ourselves, learn about something that we like, just because we like it, yeah, and we're no deep spiritual reason or deep intellectual reason or whatever. It is Right, right. Some shows that I have enjoyed and I'm going to mention them here because they are I they aren't like the big blockbusters that everybody knows about. The Durrells in Corfu is a story about a pre-World War II. A British widow takes her four or five children, who are in their teens, to Greece, to Corfu in Greece, and they live in this crumbling old house and it's not terribly deep, there's amazing scenery, it's a family show. There's funny moments, there's serious moments. I watched it a few summers ago I think it was like during the pandemic and there was just something about it that was just so heartwarming isn't the right word, but it was just fun to kind of sit back and imagine you were there in Greece with them.
Speaker 1:And then Sarah Lancashire is an actress who I admire so much and two shows she's been in. One is Happy Valley. Happy Valley is probably the only cop show, uh, that I would voluntarily watch, and and only she can make me actually love it too. So and then last tango in halifax. It's a very different kind of show, but it's also it's more of a family oriented drama. You know, here's the thing I feel like a lot of the british shows are more gritty than a lot of the american shows. American shows gritty than a lot of the American shows. American shows, I feel like they're so. I don't know. They just feel like they're too clean, I don't know how to say it. It's just too polished, too perfect. I'm not sure I think that's what attracts me to a lot of these shows. So anyway, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:So we're deep into Ted Lasso, for whatever reason. Oh okay, deep into Ted Lasso.
Speaker 1:I've heard so much yeah.
Speaker 2:I have no idea what season we're on, probably two and a half, I don't know. I don't know. But we're deep into that. And this one I watch by myself because it is so silly and I feel bad making anyone else watch it. But there's a Hallmark movie I accidentally started watching. It's not a movie, it'd be a sitcom Good Witch Interesting. And I sit on the recliner and I'm smiling watching it. Some of the acting is bad, I don't care. Some of it has story themes. They never really close off or they never tie up uh-huh. Um, all of a sudden the one daughter's missing and not to be heard from again, and I am sort of bothered by it. But I don't care, I still just watch it and I'm kind of proud of myself in some ways for being able to watch something that is really kind of silly. But I enjoy it and so I said watch it. That's kind of a big deal for me to do that.
Speaker 1:That's awesome, cause you don't watch a lot of.
Speaker 2:No, I don't, no, I really don't, you don't have time. Well, there was a point in my life where I wouldn't have watched it just because I was sure I had more, far more important things to do and far more important things to feed my brain with. So you look at old dogs learning new tricks. It's amazing that's awesome, that's actually kind of embarrassing, but we can change.
Speaker 1:Well, that's what this category is all about are those guilty pleasures that we really don't need to feel any guilt about.
Speaker 2:So next on our list is declutter. Oh, this one can be a big one, have a donation box and I do try to keep a donation box kind of handy, so I have something rolling around in the back of my vehicle for weeks before I finally drop it off, because that's kind of important. It's an important part of adulting and I think just being able to get rid of things that you kind of feel that you're keeping out of obligation, out of responsibility, and I feel like this can be a loaded conversation, because the reasons we keep things or don't keep things are so varied and, I think, so important. It can come from the scarcity mentality or trying to be frugal, or someone you love gave you something and it really doesn't matter. If you love the item, you love the person, and so you feel obligated to keep it.
Speaker 2:But I also realized somewhere along the line that there's going to always be more available, and so I think for some of us this might be difficult, because some of us have lived where there was not enough and you couldn't bank on the idea or the belief that if I do need it, there's going to be resources to get it in the future, and so we are more likely to hang on to things that maybe we could let go. So if you find yourself there, give yourself a break. It's okay, take baby steps. I get it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, I'm right there with you. I've mentioned Dana K White multiple times here on the podcast.
Speaker 1:I've been aware of her for a long time and I think it was I read her book earlier this year and decluttering at the speed of life, and somehow it just clicked for me and she makes the point that a lot of decluttering or organizing books are written by people who are good at it. Her focus is on what can help those of us who aren't. She talks about when you're working on something and you anticipate you're going to be interrupted, because that's life for most of us. If we follow the conventional model of pulling everything out of the cupboard, pulling everything out of the space and then sorting it, we end up with a bigger mess. And so she says just look in that space and say is there any trash?
Speaker 1:Don't start with the sentimental items. Don't start with the things that are hard to make decisions about. Start with the easy stuff. Get the trash out, things that she calls them duh, donations, the things that are no big deal Like you know you want to get rid of. Like get rid of that stuff and that can open up enough space that can kind of get the ball rolling. And I guess I've realized that oftentimes those things that I was hanging on to because I thought I might use them when I realized, oh yeah, I could easily replace this. You know, it's not something I would have thought to go look for if I wanted it down the road, and it's something that would be easy to replace. Like the chances are I'm not going to actually ever need it, so all that time it could be taking up valuable space. It could be something I have to keep moving around and it could be really making life more difficult when the chances are I wouldn't actually even ever need it.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense? It does make sense, and what's difficult here is at some level physical clutter becomes brain clutter. So much so, yes, and that's, I think, the part where decluttering and figuring out how to manage that is important, because for most of us it will at some level affect the way you feel emotionally.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, especially if you were raised with the idea that the condition of your house somehow is a reflection of you as a person, your character, your moral worth, all that Right. You as a person, your character, your moral worth, right, all that. And I think one of the ways that decluttering now can really set us up for success down the road, though, is when we moved out the stuff that we know we definitely don't need or want. When we got that out of the house and relieved our brains of that mental load, it's also going to make it easier to maintain our home when the school year starts and things chugging along and we're just hoping the train doesn't jump the tracks. The more space we have and the less unnecessary stuff, the more we'll have that inner calm, because the outward clutter isn't there.
Speaker 2:Agreed, agreed.
Speaker 1:So, in line with that, the next item on our list is to make a plan for the paper piles. Okay, this is also something I learned from Dana White and I just got this set up for myself. I've been wanting to do it for months, but you know, when mail comes in, stuff comes in and you go well, just kind of throw it on that pile. I'll deal with it later and I feel like with time I'm getting worse at this than than I used to be. But her suggestion is have a folder, and I got some folders and hung them on the side of my fridge. One folder for to do so.
Speaker 1:If something comes in, that a bill that needs to be paid or something I need to act on, put it in the to do folder. And then another one is a wait and see, so, like receipts or things. I'm not sure am I going to need these or not, I don't know. So just put them in the wait and see folder, and then one with the year, so 2024. And so these are the things that you know the tax documents, those kinds of receipts you know you're definitely going to want down the road. So you've got those three folders set up now.
Speaker 1:Then when we get into the thick of things in the fall, we have a place we can just automatically put things. I think also having a system for school papers and kid artwork, whether that's just a box by the front door or a place where we are prepared for that, I think that can be helpful in the fall. A recycle bin by the mailbox, because, if you're like me, most of the mail is junk mail, so having a place for it to go right into the recycling can help us avoid the piles of who knows what all is in that.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think sometimes what we end up doing, if we don't follow some type of system, is we just move piles around Exactly and years ago I don't even know where this was I heard the theory of try to touch especially like your mail or paper coming into the house one time.
Speaker 2:So instead of like having it come in, you put on a pile and then you start moving your piles around, immediately sort it or sort it one time, do your recycling and I love the to-do, the wait and see and then the 2024 files, but make sure it has a home so that you can put it where it needs to go and then it doesn't have to move around so much. Something I like to do was I had like a three bin file that hung on my wall and each of the kids had a bin throughout the school year and it was nice because if there was forms that needed to be filled out, they could go there. Artwork they wanted to keep could go into that file. That way I didn't have to worry about pitching it and hurting somebody's feelings, or I was attached to it, didn't want to pitch it, I could just stick it into the file and then at the end of every school year. They sorted through it.
Speaker 2:I also like to have a file for medical papers so that it was easy to find that. But yeah, paperwork can be a full-time job.
Speaker 1:Right, right, and I think getting those systems set up now and keeping the system simple can be really helpful. The rest of the year Right.
Speaker 2:The next one on our list is put school schedules and holidays for the academic year on your calendar.
Speaker 2:And I don't know about you, but I have found the whole calendar system to be overwhelming and frustrating and quite frankly, it can be expensive.
Speaker 2:And I think about three years ago I happened to pick up a free calendar, probably at the bulk food store, I don't know and honestly those free calendars have served me the best. Those are the calendars I still use to schedule, like I'll go through and I so I have kids in three different schools and then I'm in a different school yet. So I just go through and write down everyone's schedule on the paper calendar and I circle the days I'm working so people can easily glance at it and see what's going on. We put everyone's doctor bills on our doctor bills. We put everyone's doctor's appointments on there as well, and then my calendar is on my phone, is for my stuff, the things I need to keep track of. But I feel like if I would be putting five different people's schedules into my phone, I would be putting things on my phone all the time and it would overwhelm me. So that has kind of worked for me and I love, love, love that I'm not paying $10 or $40 for a planner every year.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. You found a system that works for you, right? I love looking at those planners and the bullet journals and all that. I'm not consistent enough to make those work for me either. I use my Outlook calendar, and there's also a Cozy app that is designed for families to do that coordinating.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think Matt has that hooked up or he's got something set up, but no one really pays attention to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was my experience too, but I realized that really, my Outlook calendar was kind of doing what I need, but, cozy, I think I need to use it more is what I'm saying. Yeah, and I need to make sure that my children have downloaded the app and are getting the reminders. So that's key.
Speaker 1:The 11th item on our list is to line up meal prep ideas for the fall. Now I go back and forth on meal prep. Some weeks I get everything all lined up and other weeks I don't. But what I really like are some of these really simple kinds of meals where you've got a protein, you've got vegetables, but then also really delicious sauces or whatever you know, and maybe and maybe a carb and two. A carb and two that I will link in the show notes are Instagram accounts. One is Fayette Nain, I think is her name, and the other one is stayfitmom underscore Krista on IG, and they have really user-friendly, really simple kinds of meal prep ideas and I'm just thinking I need to get collect some of those now so that I don't have to do that thinking I can just kind of flip through my collection in the fall and I can easily pick what appeals to me.
Speaker 2:The next one on our list is hire or recruit household help, or you can read how to Keep House while Drowning by KC Davis, and we'll post a link to this author Now. Naomi, I know you listen to her a lot, right.
Speaker 1:Right During the school year I feel like I'm drowning and I think about like, oh, I may need to hire someone, I need to get help, I need to do something. But then during the summer the pressure's off and I go oh, I got this, now I'm good, I'm good, right, until then the school year starts again. And so at the end of last year I made promise to myself that this summer I would get help, and now, well, it hasn't happened yet. So that's why it's on this list, but I don't even know if that's actually going to pan out. But for those who are in the position of not being able to hire or recruit household help which I think is a lot of us Casey Davis's book how to Keep Household Drowning is an excellent substitute. Excellent is not the right word, it's a good substitute. I love how she reframes care work as a non-moral issue, as in if you don't get your dishwasher emptied that day and you need to add a couple of dirty things and run it again, good for you. That means you're going to have clean dishes in the morning, and it's really a human-centered, person-centered approach, and I think anyone who is feeling overwhelmed would find her material encouraging. She also has a podcast and Instagram account and all that, or TikTok I guess it is, so I'll link to that in the show notes as well.
Speaker 1:So number 13 on our list is kind of taking a page from Kendra Adachi the Lazy Geniuses playbook. Kendra Adachi's Lazy Genius tagline is be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Tagline is be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. So if we can get clear about what really is important to us, what matters in the season of life that we're in right now, that can really help us take off unrealistic obligations from our shoulders. So that is number 13,. Take at least one unrealistic obligation off your shoulders, and I think this might be something like deciding that sparkling clean windows are not a priority in this season of our life, and that can feel like we're letting down all the generations of women who came before us. But maybe this season of life is not about sparkling windows.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's about doing something else, and you know what I think that is so important. I think so often we latch on to what we perceive as to be the expected and the right thing to do. So we happen to have neighbors who are meticulous about their flower gardens and their lawn. One summer no joke our one neighbor mowed his lawn seven times before we mowed ours once. Whoa, and purely because he likes to mow. He likes to mow Whether he has to mow or not, he just likes getting out on his lawn more and mowing, and he was very great about it. There was no judgment from him regarding it, but we had more ball games and dance recitals that summer than we could keep up with and, quite frankly, whether the lawns mowed or not really was not a big deal to us at that point. And I think figuring out how to live with what's important to you is so freeing and for the most part, I don't think most of the neighbors really cared if we mowed our lawn two times a week or not. I mean, you know, but it's easy to feel like if everyone else is doing it, then we somehow have an obligation as well, and letting go of that was so freeing.
Speaker 2:The other thing I think we do as mothers parents is feel like we have to do it all and we get into this rut of doing everything and then other people don't feel obligated to care enough to pitch in. And this one kind of falls in line with the next one, which is teach your kid a life skill. That will ease the routine this fall. But I'm tying it kind of together because something I've observed is oftentimes it becomes the mom's responsibility also to teach skills, which takes extra time, and you're exhausted already. So it's like this cycle of yeah, I want help and I want my kids to know how to do things, but I'm exhausted. I have to deal with, first of all, convincing them that, yes, this is a skill you need to learn, and then I have to deal with it not being done correctly because they're still learning. So it's almost like there's guilt on both sides of it and I think we need to get really honest about that and maybe let go of some of that guilt too.
Speaker 2:I'm a firm believer in getting your kids involved. Something I learned I don't know several years ago was every Sunday night I made my kids sit down and pick out a meal for the week, and then they also had to be involved in making that meal, and I did it because I was so exhausted and burned out on trying to figure out what food to make. But I was also getting tired of them not liking the food that was made. And guess what? If they're involved in making the meal, the criticism quits.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:And it was a really good thing that we started doing. At the same time, it took extra energy to involve them and to teach them how to participate. So I want to recognize both sides of that. Yes, it's important, but yes, I get it we're overwhelmed. We're doing everything we can anyway, which brings us to the next point.
Speaker 1:We even have a list for this, so Christine Ko has a podcast, Edit your Life, and during the pandemic she had posted a list of 100 life skills that can be taught to children in five minutes or less, and her suggestion was that this was well. I printed it out and hung it on my fridge. I'm not sure that we actually that it went much further than that, but I will link to it in the show notes if anyone is interested. But the idea is these are really simple things that can be taught in a few minutes and it doesn't necessarily require a big investment, and I think one of the benefits of putting it on this list is that if we could use some of the flexibility of summer to teach kids something, especially if we think about what is one life skill that would ease the routine this fall.
Speaker 1:I mean, is it them making their own breakfast, like putting milk in the cereal? Is it learning to make their bed? Is it learning to get dressed? Is it learning to use an alarm to get up in the morning? If we can think like one little thing that would make the school year easier for us and focus on teaching that this summer, I think that could be one tiny baby step toward making life a little easier in the fall. So that brings us to the last item on our list, Number 15,. Have pizza on your time too. So, Rebecca, what does this mean to you?
Speaker 2:So for years. We just didn't eat out much and I did most of the cooking we cooked from scratch, which was fine, it was totally fine. We had some lean years there. It was good. But I also realized that typically the few nights I was away, or weekend I might be away, was when our family had pizza, and I remember thinking I want pizza when I'm responsible to cook too, and I think it was as much about me giving myself the permission to do that as anything. And I'm giving you the permission to have pizza, to have Chinese, to have takeout, whatever it is you want, on your time too. I know budgets can be tight and I know what that feels like.
Speaker 1:As you're saying this, I'm thinking that maybe if it's tough to, maybe if someone can't afford going out for pizza or takeout, a less expensive substitute might be getting one of those frozen meals at Aldi where you can just open up the pack and put it in the pan and it has the whole. It's like lo mein or fried rice or something like that. I've found it really helpful to have those on hand. And also, my son went through a phase where he liked meatballs. I would get bags of them at Aldi and pop a few in the microwave and he was good to go. And then eventually he had too many of them and he got tired of them. We had to find something else Bummer, bummer, big time bummer.
Speaker 1:But at one time I was kind of frustrated that my children didn't like very flavorful or spicy foods and then I decided to lean into it and go with it and let things be simple. And then that actually made dinner time really simple. And eventually I heard Mom, the problem with your chicken is it's pretty bland. And I was like, oh, okay, we can change this.
Speaker 1:I've been waiting. I've been waiting for this. Anyway, I guess I'm saying you know, I've never had the kids complain about having cereal for dinner. Obviously, obviously, none of us want to do that all the time. It's not what we aspire to. I just think we can give ourselves those breaks too, and I agree with what you're saying, that we don't have to wait till we're gone. We can give ourselves the break of pizza or cereal or whatever the convenience food is, or popcorn, popcorn.
Speaker 1:And this is the thing in the summertime often, when it's more, when it's warm outside, oftentimes we're not that hungry in the evening, and going with something light and not feeling guilty about it, I think is a very kind thing we can do for all of us, agreed, absolutely, because no kid needs a stressed out mom. No family dynamic is improved by mom being stressed out and burned out. So if we can prevent that, we're doing everybody a favor, absolutely. So, to wrap things up, we'd love to hear what you, our listeners, are doing this summer to set yourself up for success this fall. Please click on the link in our show notes, the link that says send us a text message and tell us what you are doing. Is it something from this list? Is it something else we should have mentioned? Let us know, we'd love to hear from you. So until next time, take care.
Speaker 2:Thank you for spending time with us today. The resources and materials we've mentioned are linked in the show notes and on Facebook at Uncovered Life Beyond.
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